What Will They Say? The Price That Women Pay

In the year 2022, being a woman should equivocate freedom, safety and equality. We have come a long way since the start of the women’s rights movement in the mid-1800’s and achieved many milestones. These milestones, however, are overshadowed by crimes against women that are growing in number. Increased occurrences of intimate partner violence (IPV), also known as domestic abuse, occur every single day. The World Health Organization (WHO) identifies IPV as a major global public health concern resulting in long-lasting health, social, and economic consequences. The manifestation of domestic abuse is deep seated within the roots of our cultures. South Asian women for instance, are encouraged to stay with their abuser to save face in the public eye because “what will people say.” Separation and divorce are highly stigmatized and considered shameful. By committing such an act, you and your family are at risk of ostracization. And if you dare dishonor your family name, you will be disowned, you will be alienated, and you will be shunned. The harsh reality is that the onus falls on the women to bear the consequences, and the ones paying the ultimate price are our mothers, daughters, and sisters.

Consider the story of Sania Khan, a South Asian muslim woman and former resident of Toronto, who survived an attempt on her life at the hands of her ex-husband and lived in constant fear before she filed for divorce. Sania’s family disowned her and threatened suicide if she tried to move back to her hometown Chattanooga, Tennessee. Alienated by her family and shunned by the community, Sania created tiktok videos documenting the stigmas of a South Asian muslim woman navigating divorce proceedings and the backlash that came with it. Sharing her experiences, Sania’s advocacy for other South Asian muslim women and victims of marriage trauma were both a source of comfort and empowerment for her. Just days shy of moving back to her hometown, Sania was shot and killed in cold blood by her ex-husband, who then shot himself in a final move for control. While Sania’s death was a tragedy, IPV is an issue that affects people of all ethnicities, cultures and faiths in every part of the world. Every day women succumb to IPV and suffer from injustices. The numbers are rising rapidly, and the weight of the impact is bearing down on us to share.

Statistics Canada reports that six women are killed every day due to IPV. Let that sink in. In June 2022, an inquest for the circumstances surrounding the deaths of three women circa 2015 in Renfrew County, Ontario was concluded. Seven years after the triple murder, a jury verdict made 86 recommendations aimed at preventing similar tragedies for victims of IPV. These recommendations included formally declaring IPV an epidemic, establishing an independent commission dedicated to eradicating it, implementing the National Action Plan to End Gender-Based Violence in a timely manner, and adding the term “femicide” and its definition to the Criminal Code. In response to the verdict, the Ministry of the Attorney General stated that

“Every woman has the right to live in safety and with dignity, free from intimidation and the threat of violence” (Ziafati, 2022)

and extended their thoughts and prayers to the families of the victims. However, are thoughts and prayers enough? It took seven years for the courts to make these legislative recommendations for “timely” action by the federal government. The ordinance needs to be implemented now. The disconnect is between the people, you and I, to actually want a change and advocate for the women of our lives. Lives are at stake, and the significant disconnect in the Canadian judicial systems response to femicide and crimes against women, in addition to the systematic inaction on IPV, is a significant contributor towards escalated femicide statistics and the heavy tax that women everywhere continue to pay.

We as parents should raise our daughters to speak up for themselves instead of teaching them to be silent. As a community, we need to have the difficult conversations that no one wants to have. We must destigmatize divorce and marriage trauma. One way to accomplish this is to educate ourselves on the resources that are available for victims and survivors of IPV and normalize the use of programs and institutions dedicated to them. Sakeena Homes, for example, is an organization that provides compassionate resources to those facing trauma, abuse, violence and homelessness, and advocates to break down the barriers that our cultures impose. This is but one of many steps we can take in the right direction towards a future that is reflective of our sunnah. Aligning ourselves with the words of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), we must protect the women and now, the onus is on all of us to act.

References:
Canada, W. and G. E. (2022, February 7). Government of Canada. Women and Gender Equality Canada.  Retrieved August 21, 2022, from https://women-gender-equality.canada.ca/en/gender-based-violence-knowledge-centre/intimate-partner-violence.html

Explainers, FP (2022, August 10). The horrifying story of Sania Khan, the US woman killed by ex-husband for talking about divorce on TikTok. Firstpost. Retrieved August 21, 2022, from https://www.firstpost.com/explainers/the-horrifying-story-of-sania-khan-the-us-woman-killed-by-ex-husband-for-talking-about-divorce-on-tiktok-11041001.html

Ziafati, N. (2022, June 29). ‘I want change,’ daughter says after jury shares recommendations at Ontario Inquest. Ottawa. Retrieved August 21, 2022, from https://ottawa.ctvnews.ca/i-want-change-daughter-says-after-jury-shares-recommendations-at-ontario-inquest-1.5966299